--- title: How to Find a Good Couples Therapist url: https://strongercouple.app/blog/how-to-find-a-couples-therapist author: Stronger Couple Editorial Team published: 2026-10-18 updated: 2026-10-18 lastReviewed: 2026-10-18 topic: Getting help sources: 10 --- # How to Find a Good Couples Therapist > How to find a qualified couples therapist: credentials, approaches, questions to ask, cost options and red flags. > **Safety first.** These ideas assume both partners feel safe. If you are afraid of your partner, or there is abuse, threats or coercive control, couples techniques are not the right tool. Talk to a domestic violence advocate instead. National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. In an emergency, call 911. More: https://strongercouple.app/help-now ## Key takeaways - Look for a licensed clinician (LMFT, LPC or LPCC, LCSW, or psychologist) with specific training and regular experience in couples therapy. - Behavioral, Cognitive Behavioral, Emotionally Focused and Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy are rated well-established treatments for relationship distress. - A strong, balanced alliance with both partners predicts better outcomes, so fit matters as much as credentials. - Cost and not knowing where to go are top barriers to couples therapy; insurance, employee assistance programs, sliding scales and training clinics can help. - If you feel afraid of your partner, look for a domestic violence advocate instead of a couples therapist. To find a good couples therapist, look for a licensed clinician with specific couples training, such as an LMFT, LPC, LCSW or psychologist. They should use an evidence-based approach like Emotionally Focused Therapy, the Gottman Method or Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy. Search trusted directories, call two or three therapists with the questions below, and choose the one you both feel understood by. > **If you feel unsafe.** These ideas assume both partners feel safe. If you are afraid of your partner, or there is abuse, threats or coercive control, couples techniques are not the right tool. Talk to a domestic violence advocate instead. > > - National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. > - 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. > - In an emergency, call 911. > > More resources: [Help Now](https://strongercouple.app/help-now) This step-by-step guide is part of our [guide to getting help for your relationship](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/getting-help). If you're still deciding whether therapy is worth it, start with [does couples therapy work?](https://strongercouple.app/blog/does-couples-therapy-work) **Before you start:** couples therapy is for partners who both feel safe. If you feel afraid of your partner, a domestic violence advocate is the right first call, not a couples therapist. The National Domestic Violence Hotline does not encourage counseling with an abusive partner [^1]. Call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. ## Credentials to look for Start with a license, then look for couples-specific training and experience. A license tells you the person is qualified to provide therapy. Couples training tells you they know how to work with two people at once, which is a different skill. ### Licenses (US) | License | What it stands for | Notes | | -------------------------- | --------------------------------------------------------------------------- | -------------------------------------------------------- | | LMFT | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist | Trained specifically in relationships and family systems | | LPC or LPCC | Licensed Professional Counselor or Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor | Broad counseling training; ask about couples experience | | LCSW | Licensed Clinical Social Worker | Broad clinical training; ask about couples experience | | Psychologist (PhD or PsyD) | Licensed psychologist | Doctoral training; ask about couples experience | Marriage and family therapists are trained in both psychotherapy and family systems. They look at problems in the context of relationships, and they work with individuals, couples and families [^2]. Any of these licensed professionals can be an excellent couples therapist. The question to ask is how much of their work is with couples, and what training they've had. **Check the license.** Every state has a licensing board with a free online lookup. Search your state's name plus the license type and "license lookup." Confirm the license is active and check for any disciplinary actions. **Be careful with unlicensed titles.** "Relationship coach" and "marriage counselor" are not protected titles in every state. Coaches may be helpful for some goals, but they aren't licensed to treat mental health problems, affairs, addiction or serious distress. ## Which approaches should you look for? Look for a therapist trained in a recognized couples approach with research behind it. No single approach is proven best for everyone. Fit with the therapist matters a great deal. A 2022 review of the research rated four approaches as "well-established" for relationship distress [^3]: - **Behavioral Couple Therapy (BCT):** builds positive behaviors and teaches communication and problem-solving. - **Cognitive Behavioral Couple Therapy (CBCT):** targets unhelpful thoughts and behavior patterns that keep conflict going. - **Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT):** draws on attachment research to help partners reshape the emotional cycle beneath their fights. Reviewers concluded EFT meets or exceeds the guidelines for an evidence-based couple therapy [^4]. Read our [EFT explainer](https://strongercouple.app/blog/emotionally-focused-therapy-explained). - **Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT):** combines behavior change with acceptance of differences that won't fully go away. **The Gottman Method** is also widely practiced. It starts with a thorough relationship assessment and uses interventions based on the Sound Relationship House theory [^5]. See [the Gottman Method explained](https://strongercouple.app/blog/gottman-method-explained). If one partner is leaning toward ending the relationship, look for a therapist who offers [discernment counseling](https://strongercouple.app/blog/discernment-counseling) before regular couples therapy. ## Where to search These directories list couples therapists. Each one is free to search. - **[Psychology Today's therapist finder](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists):** a large general directory. Filter by location, issue (look for couples or marriage), insurance and approach. - **[ICEEFT's find-a-therapist directory](https://directory.iceeft.com/):** therapists trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, from the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy. - **[The Gottman Referral Network](https://www.gottmanreferralnetwork.com/):** therapists trained in the Gottman Method. - **[AAMFT's Find a Therapist page](https://www.aamft.org/web/web/About-Marriage---Family-Therapy/Find-A-Therapist.aspx):** a starting point for finding marriage and family therapists, from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. - **Your insurer's provider list:** call the member services number on your card and ask for in-network couples or family therapists. - **Your employee assistance program (EAP):** many employers offer a few free, confidential sessions and referrals. Directory listings are written by the therapists themselves. Treat them as a starting point, and verify licenses and training directly. ## Questions to ask before you book Most therapists offer a short free phone call. Use it. Calling two or three therapists helps you compare, and it gives both partners a say. **About training and experience** - What percentage of your practice is couples therapy? - What couples approach do you use, and what training have you had in it? - Have you worked with issues like ours, such as an affair, a new baby, money conflict or one of us wanting to leave? **About how therapy works** - What happens in the first few sessions? - Do you ever meet with each partner individually? How do you handle things one partner tells you privately? - How will we know whether therapy is working? Do you track progress? - Roughly how long do couples usually work with you? **About safety** - How do you check whether couples therapy is safe for a couple? - What do you do if you learn there is abuse or fear in the relationship? **About practicalities** - What is your fee, and do you offer a sliding scale? - Do you take our insurance, or can you give us paperwork to submit for reimbursement? - Do you offer telehealth? Are you licensed in our state? - What is your cancellation policy? ### Why these questions matter Two research findings stand out. First, a meta-analysis of couple and family therapy found that a stronger alliance between clients and therapist predicts better outcomes [^6]. A "split" alliance, where one partner feels much more connected to the therapist than the other, predicts worse outcomes. Second, in a randomized trial, couples whose therapy included regular progress feedback improved more than couples in usual therapy [^7]. That's why it helps to ask how progress is tracked. ## Red flags to watch for Fit takes a few sessions to judge. These signs suggest it may be time to raise concerns or move on: - The therapist consistently takes one partner's side, or one of you regularly feels ganged up on. - They promise outcomes, such as guaranteeing your relationship will be saved. - They have little or no couples training and seem to treat couples sessions like two individual sessions at once. - They never ask about safety, or they push couples work after learning that one partner is afraid. - Sessions feel like venting with no direction, and there's no discussion of goals or progress after several weeks. - They share private information without being clear about their policy. - You feel judged for your gender, sexuality, culture, religion or relationship structure. Changing therapists is normal. It doesn't mean therapy has failed. ## Cost and access Cost is a real barrier, and you're not alone in facing it. In a study of 231 newlywed couples in lower-income neighborhoods, cost and not knowing where to go were the top two barriers to couples therapy [^8]. Another study asked almost 300 people interested in couples therapy what held them back. Their answers included cost, logistics, the format of treatment, trustworthiness, relationship factors, and an unclear sense of what therapy involves [^9]. Ways to make it more affordable: 1. **Ask your insurer about coverage.** Coverage for couples or family therapy varies, and some plans only cover therapy tied to a diagnosis. Ask directly. 2. **Use your EAP.** Employee assistance programs often cover a few free sessions. 3. **Ask about sliding-scale fees.** Many therapists offer reduced fees for some clients. 4. **Try a university training clinic.** Graduate programs in marriage and family therapy, counseling and psychology often run clinics where supervised trainees see clients at lower cost. 5. **Look at community and nonprofit options.** [FindTreatment.gov](https://findtreatment.gov/) lists local services, and [Open Path Collective](https://openpathcollective.org/) is a nonprofit network of therapists offering reduced-fee sessions. 6. **Consider telehealth.** Online sessions widen your options. Therapists generally need to be licensed in the state where you are during the session. 7. **Bridge the gap with structured self-help.** While you wait, regular check-ins, a good book or an evidence-based online program can help. Our comparison of [couples therapy vs. a couples app](https://strongercouple.app/blog/couples-therapy-vs-couples-app) explains what self-help can and can't do. If substance use or mental health is part of the picture, SAMHSA's National Helpline gives free, confidential referrals 24/7 in English and Spanish at 1-800-662-4357 [^10]. SAMHSA is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. ## What if your partner won't come? You can still start. Book a consultation for yourself, or see an individual therapist who understands relationships. Many partners agree to come later once they see it isn't about blame. Our guide on [what to do when your partner won't go to therapy](https://strongercouple.app/blog/partner-wont-go-to-therapy) has scripts for inviting them without pressure. ## When to get professional help If you're reading this, you're probably already thinking about it, and that's a good sign. Book a consultation if the same conflicts keep repeating, if contempt or withdrawal has set in, or if there's been an affair or addiction. Do the same if either of you is depressed or one of you is thinking about leaving. If anyone is thinking about suicide, call or text 988. If you feel unsafe with your partner, go to [Help Now](https://strongercouple.app/help-now) for confidential domestic violence resources. _This article is for education and is not a substitute for professional help. If you're unsafe, visit Help Now\._ ## Questions people ask ### What kind of therapist is best for couples counseling? Any licensed mental health professional can be a good couples therapist if they have specific couples training and experience. Licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs) are trained specifically to work with relationships. Ask any therapist what couples approach they use and how much of their practice is couples work. ### Where can I find a couples therapist near me? Try Psychology Today's therapist finder, which lets you filter by issue and insurance; the ICEEFT directory for Emotionally Focused Therapy; the Gottman Referral Network for Gottman-trained therapists; and the AAMFT's Find a Therapist page. Your insurer and employee assistance program can also give you names. ### How do I know if a couples therapist is a good fit? After two or three sessions, you should both feel understood and respected, have a sense of the plan, and feel the therapist is balanced rather than taking sides. If one of you consistently feels judged or unheard, raise it, and consider trying someone else. ## Sources [^1]: Should I Go To Couples Therapy With My Abusive Partner?. National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2026. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/should-i-go-to-couples-therapy-with-my-abusive-partner/ [^2]: Find a Therapist. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 2026. https://www.aamft.org/web/web/About-Marriage---Family-Therapy/Find-A-Therapist.aspx [^3]: A review of the research during 2010-2019 on evidence-based treatments for couple relationship distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 2022. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34866194/ [^4]: A Review of the Research in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Family Process, 2016. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27273169/ [^5]: The Gottman Method. The Gottman Institute, 2026. https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/ [^6]: Meta-analysis of the alliance-outcome relation in couple and family therapy. Psychotherapy, 2018. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30335450/ [^7]: Using client feedback to improve couple therapy outcomes: a randomized clinical trial in a naturalistic setting. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2009. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19634962/ [^8]: Barriers and facilitators of relationship help-seeking among low-income couples. Journal of Family Psychology, 2019. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30489129/ [^9]: Understanding barriers to couples therapy. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 2022. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35315112/ [^10]: SAMHSA's National Helpline. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, 2026. https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/helplines/national-helpline