--- title: 50 Relationship Check-In Questions for Couples url: https://strongercouple.app/blog/relationship-check-in-questions author: Stronger Couple Editorial Team published: 2026-10-18 updated: 2026-10-18 lastReviewed: 2026-10-18 topic: "Check-ins & rituals" sources: 6 --- # 50 Relationship Check-In Questions for Couples > Weekly, monthly and hard-season check-in questions for couples, grouped by topic, with tips for keeping the conversation kind. > **Safety first.** These ideas assume both partners feel safe. If you are afraid of your partner, or there is abuse, threats or coercive control, couples techniques are not the right tool. Talk to a domestic violence advocate instead. National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. In an emergency, call 911. More: https://strongercouple.app/help-now ## Key takeaways - The best relationship check-in questions are specific, open-ended and about this week, not about your partner's character. - Pick three to five questions per check-in, starting with appreciation, rather than working through a long list. - Sharing feelings, not just facts, is linked to feeling closer: in diary studies, disclosing emotions predicted intimacy more than disclosing information. - Hard-season questions should shrink the conversation to support: what each of you needs this week and what can wait. Good relationship check-in questions are short, open-ended and about this week: "What did I do that you appreciated?", "When did you feel closest to me?", "What would make next week easier?" Below are 50 questions grouped into weekly, monthly and hard-season sets. Pick three to five per conversation, always start with appreciation, and raise no more than one issue at a time. These questions pair with our [complete guide to relationship check-ins](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/relationship-check-ins), which covers the full format, ground rules and how often to meet. > **If you feel unsafe.** These ideas assume both partners feel safe. If you are afraid of your partner, or there is abuse, threats or coercive control, couples techniques are not the right tool. Talk to a domestic violence advocate instead. > > - National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org. > - 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. > - In an emergency, call 911. > > More resources: [Help Now](https://strongercouple.app/help-now) These tips assume both partners feel safe. If you're afraid of your partner, these techniques aren't the right tool — go to [Help Now](https://strongercouple.app/help-now). ## How to use these questions A check-in question works when it makes it easy to say something true. That's why the questions below ask about specific moments rather than big judgments. "When did you feel closest to me this week?" is easier to answer honestly than "Are you happy with us?" A few guidelines make the difference between a warm check-in and an awkward one: - **Pick three to five.** One or two appreciation questions, one about how you're each doing, at most one about something hard, and one about the week ahead. - **Both of you answer.** Take turns going first. - **Share feelings, not just facts.** In diary studies of everyday conversations, telling someone how you felt predicted a sense of intimacy more than sharing facts and information, and feeling that the listener responded with care was part of why [^1]. "Work was busy" is a fact. "I felt invisible in that meeting" lets your partner in. - **Listen to understand.** After your partner answers, reflect back what you heard before you add your own view. - **Keep issues small and gentle.** Talk about your feelings and what you need, not about your partner's character [^2]. Many people hold back from deeper questions because they expect them to feel awkward. Research with strangers found that people overestimated how awkward deep conversations would be and underestimated how much the other person cared about what they shared. Their predictions were more accurate with close partners, whose interest was already clear [^3]. The takeaway for couples: deeper questions usually go better than you fear, especially when you've shown each other you care. > **Tip:** New to check-ins? Use only the appreciation and "looking ahead" questions for the first two weeks. Add an issue question once the habit feels safe. ## Weekly check-in questions Weekly questions keep you current with each other. Start every check-in with at least one appreciation question. The Gottman Institute's weekly State of the Union meeting opens the same way, with each partner naming things the other did that they appreciated [^4]. ### Appreciation 1. What's one thing I did this week that you appreciated? 2. What's a small moment from this week you want to remember? 3. Is there something you did this week that you wish I'd noticed? 4. What's one thing about how we handled this week that you're proud of? 5. What's something about me you've been grateful for lately? ### How we're each doing 6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how full is your tank right now, and what's behind that number? 7. What was the best part of your week? 8. What was the hardest part of your week? 9. What's been on your mind that we haven't talked about? 10. Is there anything stressing you out that you'd like me to know about, even if you don't need me to fix it? ### Us 11. When did you feel closest to me this week? 12. Was there a moment this week you felt alone or unheard? 13. Did you feel like I was on your side this week? 14. Is there anything small that bugged you that's worth talking about before it grows? 15. Is there something you've been holding back from saying? ### The week ahead 16. What's one thing that would make next week easier for you? 17. What's coming up next week that I should know about? 18. How can I support you with the biggest thing on your plate? 19. When can we spend some unhurried time together this week? 20. What's something fun we could plan before our next check-in? ## Monthly check-in questions Monthly questions step back from the week and look at the bigger picture. Pick one or two themes per month rather than all of them. A longer, regular "how are we doing?" conversation is the core of the Marriage Checkup, which improved intimacy and felt acceptance in a randomized trial [^5]. Our [monthly relationship check-in](https://strongercouple.app/blog/monthly-relationship-check-in) has a full template. ### Connection and fun 21. What's been the highlight of our relationship this month? 22. Do you feel like we've had enough time together, just the two of us? 23. What's something new we could try together next month? 24. Is there a way you'd like more affection from me, big or small? ### Intimacy 25. How have you felt about our physical closeness this month? 26. Is there anything that would help you feel more relaxed or wanted with me? 27. Is there something about our sex life or physical affection you've wanted to bring up but weren't sure how? ### Money and home 28. How are you feeling about our money right now? 29. Is there a purchase or expense coming up we should talk about? 30. Does the way we're splitting chores and the mental load feel fair to you? ### Goals and growth 31. What's one personal goal you're working on, and how can I support it? 32. Are we making progress on the things we said mattered to us this year? 33. Is there a dream we've stopped talking about that you'd like to bring back? ### Family, friends and the outside world 34. How are you feeling about the time we spend with family and friends? 35. Is there a relationship outside ours that's taking a lot of your energy? 36. Do you feel like you have enough time for yourself? 37. Is there anything about how we're parenting, or planning for kids, that we should talk about? 38. What's one thing we could do next month to make life feel calmer? ## Questions for hard seasons Hard seasons include a new baby, illness, job loss, grief, caregiving, a move or a stretch where you've been fighting more. The goal changes: less problem-solving, more support. Keep check-ins short, and let either partner say "not tonight." None of these questions should be used to pressure your partner for answers. If a conversation feels unsafe, stop and look at [Help Now](https://strongercouple.app/help-now). 39. What do you need from me this week, even if it's small? 40. What's one thing I could take off your plate? 41. Do you want me to help solve this, or just listen? 42. What's been the heaviest part of this for you? 43. Is there anything you need that you haven't felt able to ask for? 44. What can we let go of or postpone for now? 45. How are you sleeping and eating, honestly? 46. Who else could we lean on right now? 47. What helped us get through a hard time before? 48. When do you feel most like a team with me lately? 49. Is there something I've been doing that's making this harder, that I could change? 50. What's one small thing that would feel like comfort tonight? If a hard-season check-in starts to escalate, pause. A common sign of [emotional flooding](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/emotional-flooding) is a heart rate over about 100 beats per minute. Julie Gottman suggests a break of 20 to 30 minutes, never more than 24 hours, and telling your partner when you'll come back [^6]. The [conflict pause timer](https://strongercouple.app/tools/conflict-pause-timer) can help you stick to it. ## Sample check-in using these questions Here's how three to five questions fit into a 20-minute weekly check-in for a couple, Sam and Jordan: | Time | Question | Who answers | | --------- | ----------------------------------------------------------------------- | ----------------------------------------------------- | | 0–5 min | 1. What's one thing I did this week that you appreciated? | Both, Sam first | | 5–9 min | 8. What was the hardest part of your week? | Both, Jordan first | | 9–16 min | 14. Is there anything small that bugged you that's worth talking about? | One partner raises one thing; the other reflects back | | 16–19 min | 16. What's one thing that would make next week easier for you? | Both | | 19–20 min | 20. What's something fun we could plan? | Decide together | The full format and a script for your first time are in [how to do a weekly relationship check-in](https://strongercouple.app/blog/how-to-do-a-weekly-relationship-check-in). **In the Stronger Couple app:** [Weekly check-ins](https://strongercouple.app/app/weekly-check-ins) ## Free printable Want these on paper? Our printable [weekly check-in worksheet](https://strongercouple.app/library/exercises/weekly-check-in-worksheet) has space for appreciation, how you're each doing, one issue and one plan. If you'd rather copy a structure into your notes app, the [free relationship check-in template](https://strongercouple.app/blog/relationship-check-in-template) lays it out step by step. For more question ideas, try the [conversation prompt generator](https://strongercouple.app/tools/conversation-prompt-generator), our [weekly check-in prompts](https://strongercouple.app/library/prompts/weekly-check-in-prompts), or [40 questions to reconnect with your partner](https://strongercouple.app/blog/questions-to-reconnect-with-your-partner) if you've drifted apart. ## When to get professional help Check-in questions help couples stay close, but they can't fix everything. Consider a licensed couples therapist if you notice: - Ongoing contempt, mockery or withdrawal, even in calm moments. - An affair or a breach of trust you can't get past. - Addiction affecting the relationship. - Depression or anxiety affecting daily life. - Any fear of your partner. Go to [Help Now](https://strongercouple.app/help-now) first; couples work isn't recommended when there's abuse. - Thoughts of self-harm. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Our [getting help guide](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/getting-help) and [how to find a couples therapist](https://strongercouple.app/blog/how-to-find-a-couples-therapist) explain your options. This article is for education and is not a substitute for professional help. ## Keep going - [Relationship check-ins: the complete guide](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/relationship-check-ins) - [How to do a weekly relationship check-in](https://strongercouple.app/blog/how-to-do-a-weekly-relationship-check-in) - [Monthly relationship check-in: questions and template](https://strongercouple.app/blog/monthly-relationship-check-in) - [How often should couples check in?](https://strongercouple.app/blog/how-often-should-couples-check-in) ## Questions people ask ### How many check-in questions should we ask at once? Three to five is plenty for a weekly check-in: one or two appreciation questions, one about how you're each doing, at most one about an issue, and one about the week ahead. More than that and the check-in starts to feel like an interview. ### What are good weekly check-in questions for couples? Good weekly questions are concrete and recent. Try: What's one thing I did this week that you appreciated? When did you feel closest to me? What's one thing that would make next week easier for you? What's something fun we could plan? ### Should we write our answers down first? It can help, especially for partners who need time to think or who freeze in face-to-face conversations. Spend five minutes jotting answers separately, then share. A printable worksheet or a guided app check-in makes this easy. ### What if a question brings up something painful? Slow down. Thank your partner for telling you, reflect back what you heard, and ask whether they want to talk about it now or set a separate time. If either of you feels flooded, take a 20-minute break before continuing. ## Sources [^1]: Intimacy as an interpersonal process: The importance of self-disclosure, partner disclosure, and perceived partner responsiveness in interpersonal exchanges. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1998. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9599440/ [^2]: The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes. The Gottman Institute, 2013. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/ [^3]: Overly shallow?: Miscalibrated expectations create a barrier to deeper conversation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2022. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34591541/ [^4]: State of the Union Meetings Will Strengthen Your Relationship. The Gottman Institute, 2017. https://www.gottman.com/blog/state-of-the-union-meeting/ [^5]: The Marriage Checkup: A randomized controlled trial of annual relationship health checkups. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2014. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4115001/ [^6]: How to Fight Without Hurting Your Relationship (interview with John and Julie Gottman). Greater Good Magazine, UC Berkeley, 2024. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_fight_without_hurting_your_relationship