---
title: Relationship Resolutions That Actually Stick
url: https://strongercouple.app/blog/relationship-resolutions
author: Stronger Couple Editorial Team
published: 2026-10-18
updated: 2026-10-18
lastReviewed: 2026-10-18
topic: "Goals & the future"
sources: 5
---

# Relationship Resolutions That Actually Stick

> New Year or any time: relationship resolutions that are specific, shared and small enough to last, with examples.

## Key takeaways

- Resolutions are not doomed: in a large Swedish experiment, 55% of people who responded at one year considered themselves successful.
- Goals worded as something to start doing succeeded more often than goals about stopping something (58.9% vs. 47.1% in that study).
- In an older US study, confidence, skills and readiness to change before January 1 all predicted resolution success.
- The best relationship resolutions are shared, specific, small and tied to a regular moment in your week.
- A short monthly check-in on your resolutions keeps them alive past February.

Relationship resolutions stick when they're shared, specific, small and tied to a moment that already happens in your week, like "a 20-minute check-in every Sunday after dinner." Word them as something to start doing rather than stop, plan for the obstacle most likely to trip you up and review progress together once a month. They work at New Year, on an anniversary or any Monday you choose.

This article is part of our [guide to goals and your future together](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/goals-and-future).

## Do resolutions really fail?

Resolutions have a bad reputation, but the research is more hopeful than the jokes. In a large experiment in Sweden with 1,066 participants from the general public, 55% of those who responded at the one-year follow-up considered themselves successful at sustaining their resolution [^1].

An older US study followed people for six months. At six months, 46% of people who made New Year's resolutions said they had been continuously successful, compared with 4% of a similar group who wanted to change a problem but didn't make a resolution [^2]. Both studies relied on people's own reports, and most resolutions were about health, not relationships, so treat the numbers as encouraging rather than exact.

## Why resolutions fail

When resolutions do fail, it's usually for predictable reasons:

- **They're vague.** "Be more romantic" has no clear first step and no finish line.
- **They're about stopping.** In the Swedish study, people with approach-oriented goals ("start doing X") were more successful than those with avoidance-oriented goals ("stop doing Y"), 58.9% versus 47.1% [^1].
- **They're too big.** A two-hour date every week sounds lovely in December and impossible by March.
- **There's no plan for obstacles.** Fatigue, sick kids and busy weeks are guaranteed. A resolution without a backup plan breaks at the first one.
- **People aren't ready.** In the US study, self-efficacy (confidence you can do it), skills to change and readiness to change, measured before January 1, all predicted success [^2].
- **Only one partner is invested.** A resolution one of you wrote and the other tolerated rarely lasts.

The same study found that successful resolvers relied more on practical, behavioral strategies once the year began, rather than mostly on raising awareness or emotions [^2]. In other words, doing beats feeling inspired.

## Making them shared

Relationship resolutions work best when both partners help write them. Research describes partners' goals as tightly connected: each of you has goals for yourself, for your partner and for the relationship, and they all affect each other [^3].

### A 45-minute resolution conversation

1. **Look back (10 minutes).** Each of you names one thing that went well in your relationship this year and one thing you'd like to be different.
2. **Brainstorm separately (10 minutes).** Each person writes three to five possible relationship resolutions on their own.
3. **Share and choose (10 minutes).** Read your lists aloud. Circle overlaps. Pick one or two shared resolutions.
4. **Make them concrete (10 minutes).** For each one, decide exactly what you'll do, when and who starts it.
5. **Plan for obstacles (5 minutes).** Name the most likely obstacle and write an if-then plan.

### Rules that help

- **No resolutions for your partner.** "You'll stop working late" is a demand, not a shared goal. Try "We'll protect two weeknight evenings."
- **Each partner gets a personal resolution.** Add one personal goal each that the other commits to support.
- **Keep it small.** You can always add more in April.

### Use if-then plans

An if-then plan, also called an implementation intention, links a specific situation to a specific action. A recent review of planning research describes these plans as helping with attention, remembering intentions and behavior change, though how well they work depends on the person and the plan [^4].

Examples:

- "If it's Sunday after dinner, then we do our check-in before turning on the TV."
- "If one of us raises their voice, then either of us can call a 20-minute break."
- "If we miss date night, then we take a 15-minute walk on Saturday instead."

## 20 relationship resolution examples

Pick one or two, then adjust them to fit your life.

### Connection

1. We'll do a 20-minute check-in every Sunday evening.
2. We'll have phone-free dinners at least four nights a week.
3. We'll greet each other properly, with phones down, when we get home.
4. We'll take a 15-minute walk together three evenings a week.
5. We'll go to bed at the same time at least three nights a week.

### Appreciation

6. We'll each say one specific thank-you every day.
7. We'll celebrate each other's good news by asking questions about it.
8. We'll leave one note, text or small surprise for each other each week.

### Communication and conflict

9. We'll start hard conversations with "I feel... about... and I need..."
10. We'll repeat back what we heard before giving our own side.
11. Either of us can call a 20-minute break in an argument, and we'll come back to it within a day.
12. After an argument, we'll each name one thing we could have done better.

### Fun and novelty

13. We'll try one new thing together every month.
14. We'll have one date a week, at home or out.
15. We'll plan one day trip each season.

### Practical life

16. We'll have a calm 30-minute money talk on the first Sunday of each month.
17. We'll write down every recurring chore and revisit the split monthly.
18. We'll agree on holiday and family plans at least a month in advance.

### Growth

19. We'll each pick one personal goal and ask about each other's progress weekly.
20. We'll read one relationship book together, one chapter a week.

For more examples, see [healthy relationship goals for couples](https://strongercouple.app/blog/relationship-goals-for-couples).

**In the Stronger Couple app:** [Shared goals](https://strongercouple.app/app/shared-goals)

### Resolutions for your situation

Different seasons call for different resolutions.

- **After a hard year:** Keep it gentle. "We'll each name one thing we appreciated about the other every Sunday." Rebuilding warmth comes before bigger goals.
- **New parents:** Think in minutes, not evenings. "Ten minutes together after the baby's down, no logistics talk."
- **Long-term couples who feel stuck:** Focus on novelty. "One new experience a month, taking turns choosing."
- **Busy dual-career couples:** Protect the calendar. "Two weeknights a week with no work after 8 p.m."
- **Long-distance couples:** Build rituals across the miles. "A video call every Wednesday with a shared activity, like cooking the same recipe."
- **Couples with a recurring fight:** Aim for better conversations, not victory. "We'll talk about \[topic] once a month using a timer and taking turns."

### Resolutions to skip

Some resolutions sound good but tend to backfire:

- "Never fight again." Disagreement is normal. Aim to fight more fairly instead.
- "Read each other's minds." Aim to ask more often.
- "Spend all our free time together." Healthy couples also protect time apart.
- "Fix my partner." You can only change your half of the pattern.

## Checking in on progress

A resolution you never revisit fades by February. A short monthly check-in keeps it alive.

### A 15-minute monthly resolution check-in

1. **What went well?** Start here, every time. When partners respond with enthusiasm to each other's good news, the benefits of that good news grow, and couples who do this regularly report more intimacy [^5].
2. **What got in the way?** Name the obstacle without blame.
3. **What will we adjust?** Shrink the step, change the timing or add a new if-then plan.
4. **What's our step for next month?**

Many couples fold this into a regular [weekly relationship check-in](https://strongercouple.app/blog/how-to-do-a-weekly-relationship-check-in). For a printable tracking page, use our [couple goals planner](https://strongercouple.app/library/exercises/couple-goals-planner).

### If you slip

Everyone misses a week. What matters is what you do next.

- Don't wait for next January. Restart on the next Monday, or tonight.
- Make the step smaller. A five-minute check-in still counts.
- Ask what the slip teaches you. Was the time wrong? The goal too big? Was one of you not really on board?

## When to get professional help

If every attempt to work on your relationship ends in a fight, if one of you keeps withdrawing, or if bigger problems like an affair, addiction or depression are affecting you, resolutions aren't enough on their own. A licensed couples therapist can help. Our [guide to getting help](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/getting-help) explains your options.

If you feel afraid of your partner, please visit [Help Now](https://strongercouple.app/help-now) for confidential support.

This article is for education and is not a substitute for professional help.

## Questions people ask

### What are good relationship resolutions for the new year?

Good examples include a weekly 20-minute check-in, one date a month trying something new, phone-free dinners several nights a week, one specific thank-you a day, a calm monthly money talk, and taking a break when an argument heats up then coming back to it.

### Should couples make resolutions together or separately?

Both. Make one or two shared resolutions about the relationship, and let each partner choose a personal resolution the other agrees to support. Avoid making resolutions for your partner.

### What if we break our relationship resolution?

Treat it as information, not failure. Ask what got in the way, shrink the step and make an if-then plan for that obstacle. One missed week doesn't erase the progress you've made.

## Sources

[^1]: A large-scale experiment on New Year's resolutions: Approach-oriented goals are more successful than avoidance-oriented goals. PLoS One 15(12), 2020. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33296385/
[^2]: Auld lang syne: success predictors, change processes, and self-reported outcomes of New Year's resolvers and nonresolvers. Journal of Clinical Psychology 58(4), 2002. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11920693/
[^3]: Transactive goal dynamics. Psychological Review 122(4), 2015. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26437147/
[^4]: Psychology of Planning. Annual Review of Psychology 76, 2025. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39823206/
[^5]: What do you do when things go right? The intrapersonal and interpersonal benefits of sharing positive events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 87(2), 2004. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15301629/