--- title: Library url: https://strongercouple.app/library --- # Library > A free, research-informed library for couples. ## Guides - [Appreciation and Connection: The Complete Guide](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/appreciation-and-connection): How small moments of appreciation, responsiveness and gratitude build closeness, what research shows, and simple daily habits couples can start tonight. - [Communication and Conflict: The Complete Guide](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/communication-and-conflict): How couples can argue less destructively and talk so both feel heard: the research on conflict, the patterns to watch for, and skills to practise. - [Conversation Questions for Couples: The Complete Guide](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/conversation-questions): Why good questions bring couples closer, how to ask them without pressure, and question lists for every mood, from playful to deep to hard seasons. - [Date Nights: The Complete Guide for Couples](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/date-nights): Why couple time matters, what research says about novelty, and how to plan date nights that actually bring you closer, at home, on a budget or with kids. - [Getting Help for Your Relationship: A Complete Guide](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/getting-help): When to see a couples therapist, how to find and afford one, what self-help can do, and when couples work is not safe. A calm, practical guide. - [Goals and Your Future Together: A Couples Guide](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/goals-and-future): How couples build a shared future: realistic goals, a simple planning method, milestones worth celebrating, money talks and the dreams under conflict. - [Healthy Relationship Basics: The Safety and Respect Baseline](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/healthy-relationship-basics): What every healthy relationship needs first: safety, respect, honesty, and freedom. How healthy, unhealthy, and abusive differ, and where to get help. - [How to Invite a Reluctant Partner to Try a Couples App](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/talking-to-your-partner-about-the-app): How to suggest a couples app without pressure: when to ask, what to say, what to do if your partner says no, and keeping it about connection. - [New Parents Relationship Guide: Staying a Team](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/new-parents-relationship-guide): Why relationships often strain after a baby, what research says protects couples, and small daily habits for sleep, chores, conflict, and staying close. - [Relationship Check-Ins: The Complete Guide for Couples](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/relationship-check-ins): What a relationship check-in is, why it helps, and how to run daily, weekly and monthly check-ins that feel kind, not like a performance review. - [Relationship Science: What Research Says About Love](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/relationship-science): A plain-language guide to what decades of couples research actually found about conflict, attachment, responsiveness and lasting love, and its limits. - [Struggling Relationship? A Complete Guide to What Helps](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/struggling-relationship): A calm, research-informed guide for couples in a rough patch: how to tell a dip from real trouble, what to try first, and when to get outside help. - [The First 90 Days of Repair: A Week-by-Week Plan](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/first-90-days-of-repair): A 13-week plan to reconnect after a hard stretch, built on weekly check-ins, daily appreciation, and conversation prompts. Small steps, no promises. - [Trust and Hard Times: A Guide for Couples](https://strongercouple.app/library/guides/trust-and-hard-times): How couples rebuild trust and get through affairs, jealousy, stress, money fights, depression and more, plus how to tell hard times from abuse. ## Glossary - [Adult attachment styles](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/attachment-styles): Attachment styles describe patterns in how adults seek closeness and handle distance in relationships. Learn the research and why styles can change. - [Anxious attachment](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/anxious-attachment): Anxious attachment is a pattern of worrying about a partner's love and needing reassurance. Learn the research, everyday signs, and what helps. - [Avoidant attachment](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/avoidant-attachment): Avoidant attachment is a pattern of discomfort with closeness and depending on others. Learn the research, everyday signs, and how couples work with it. - [Bids for connection](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/bids-for-connection): A bid for connection is any attempt to get your partner's attention, interest or support. Learn how small bids work and why responding to them matters. - [Capitalization (active-constructive responding)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/capitalization): Capitalization is sharing good news with a partner. Responding with active, constructive enthusiasm is linked to more intimacy and satisfaction. - [Contempt](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/contempt): Contempt is treating your partner as beneath you through mockery, sarcasm or disgust. Why it matters most of the Four Horsemen, and what helps. - [Criticism (vs complaint)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/criticism): Criticism attacks your partner's character; a complaint addresses one behavior. Learn the difference and how to raise issues without blame. - [Defensiveness](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/defensiveness): Defensiveness is protecting yourself from a complaint by counterattacking, making excuses or playing the victim. Learn the antidote: taking responsibility. - [Flooding (diffuse physiological arousal)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/emotional-flooding): Emotional flooding is feeling so physically overwhelmed in conflict that you can't think clearly. Learn the signs and how a 20-minute break helps. - [Love languages](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/love-languages): Love languages are the idea that people prefer to give and receive love in different ways. Learn where the idea came from and what research says. - [Love maps](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/love-maps): A love map is what you know of your partner's inner world: worries, hopes, history and daily life. Learn where the idea comes from and how to update it. - [Mental load (cognitive labor)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/emotional-labor-mental-load): The mental load is the invisible work of anticipating, planning, deciding, and keeping track of household needs. Learn the research and how to share it. - [Perpetual vs solvable problems](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/perpetual-problems): Perpetual problems are lasting disagreements rooted in personality or lifestyle differences. Gottman reports 69% of conflict is perpetual. How to cope. - [Pursue-withdraw (demand-withdraw) cycle](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/pursue-withdraw-cycle): The pursue-withdraw cycle is a pattern where one partner pushes for engagement and the other pulls away, each fueling the other. How to break it. - [Repair attempts](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/repair-attempts): A repair attempt is any word or action that stops a fight from escalating, from a joke to an apology. See examples and how to accept them. - [Responsiveness (A.R.E.)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/emotional-responsiveness): Emotional responsiveness means noticing, understanding, and caring about a partner's feelings and needs. Learn the research and A.R.E. in daily life. - [Secure attachment](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/secure-attachment): Secure attachment means feeling comfortable with closeness and confident your partner will be there. Learn what it looks like and how couples build it. - [Self-expansion](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/self-expansion): Self-expansion is the idea that relationships thrive when partners grow and try new things together. Learn the research on novelty and couples. - [Soft (gentle) startup](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/soft-startup): A soft startup raises a concern gently, with a feeling, a specific situation and a positive need. Learn the formula and why first minutes matter. - [State of the Union meeting](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/state-of-the-union): A State of the Union meeting is a regular, structured check-in where partners share appreciations, talk through one issue, and ask what each needs. - [Stonewalling](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/stonewalling): Stonewalling is shutting down and withdrawing during conflict, often because you feel flooded. Learn the signs and how to take a real break instead. - [The 5:1 ratio (magic ratio)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/magic-ratio): The 5:1 ratio is Gottman's finding that stable couples show about five positive moments for every negative one during conflict. Here's what it means. - [The Four Horsemen](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/four-horsemen): The Four Horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling: four conflict habits Gottman's research linked to unhappy relationships. - [Turning toward / away / against](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/turning-toward): Turning toward means responding to your partner's bids for attention. Learn the three response types from Gottman's research, with everyday examples. ## Conversation prompts - [Deep Conversation Prompts for Couples (78 Questions)](https://strongercouple.app/library/prompts/deep-conversation-prompts): 78 deep conversation prompts for couples on childhood, values, fears, love and meaning, ordered from medium to deep so you can open up at your own pace. - [Fun and Playful Questions for Couples (84 Prompts)](https://strongercouple.app/library/prompts/fun-and-playful-prompts): 84 fun, playful questions for couples: would-you-rather, silly hypotheticals, nostalgia and mini challenges that get you laughing together again. - [Future and Dreams Questions for Couples (72 Prompts)](https://strongercouple.app/library/prompts/future-and-dreams-prompts): 72 prompts to talk about the future and your dreams as a couple: next year, home, work, money, family, adventures, getting older and shared meaning. - [Gratitude Prompts for Couples (70 Ideas)](https://strongercouple.app/library/prompts/gratitude-prompts): 70 gratitude prompts for couples to notice everyday effort, admire each other's character and say thank you out loud, with research on why it helps. - [Long-Distance Relationship Prompts (72 Questions)](https://strongercouple.app/library/prompts/long-distance-prompts): 72 prompts for long-distance couples: daily check-ins, practical planning, feelings about the distance, trust, playful calls and closing the gap. - [Prompts for Hard Conversations With Your Partner](https://strongercouple.app/library/prompts/prompts-for-hard-conversations): 76 gentle prompts and sentence starters for hard conversations about money, chores, sex, family and hurt, so you can raise issues without starting a fight. - [Prompts to Reconnect With Your Partner (64 Questions)](https://strongercouple.app/library/prompts/reconnecting-prompts): 64 gentle prompts to reconnect when you feel distant, starting with easy memories and moving slowly toward what you each need to feel close again. - [Weekly Check-In Prompts for Couples (70 Questions)](https://strongercouple.app/library/prompts/weekly-check-in-prompts): 70 weekly check-in prompts for couples, from easy openers to honest needs, with a simple order to follow so a 30-minute check-in stays calm and useful. ## Exercises - [7-Day Appreciation Journal for Couples](https://strongercouple.app/library/exercises/appreciation-journal-7-day): A one-week appreciation journal: notice one specific thing your partner does each day, write it down, and say it out loud. Daily prompts and printable log. - [Couple Goals Planner: Set Shared Goals Together](https://strongercouple.app/library/exercises/couple-goals-planner): A step-by-step planner for setting goals as a couple: share dreams, pick one or two shared goals, make them concrete, and check in monthly. Printable. - [Fair Fight Agreement: A Couples' Worksheet](https://strongercouple.app/library/exercises/fair-fight-agreement): Write your own rules for fighting fair: a pause signal, a 20-minute break, turn-taking, and off-limits moves. Includes a printable agreement to sign. - [Repair Phrases Card: What to Say Mid-Argument](https://strongercouple.app/library/exercises/repair-phrases-card): A printable card of repair phrases to calm an argument: I feel, I'm sorry, finding agreement, I need a break, stop, and I appreciate. Original wording. - [Soft Startup Builder: Raise Issues Without a Fight](https://strongercouple.app/library/exercises/soft-startup-builder): Turn a complaint into a gentle opener in four steps: feeling, situation, positive need, and a softer delivery. Includes practice examples and a worksheet. - [Weekly Relationship Check-In Worksheet (Printable)](https://strongercouple.app/library/exercises/weekly-check-in-worksheet): A 30-minute weekly check-in worksheet for couples: appreciations, what went well, one issue, and a plan for next week. Print it or use it on screen.