--- title: Relationship glossary url: https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary --- # Relationship glossary > Plain-language definitions of relationship ideas from research. - [Adult attachment styles](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/attachment-styles): Attachment styles describe patterns in how adults seek closeness and handle distance in relationships. Learn the research and why styles can change. - [Anxious attachment](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/anxious-attachment): Anxious attachment is a pattern of worrying about a partner's love and needing reassurance. Learn the research, everyday signs, and what helps. - [Avoidant attachment](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/avoidant-attachment): Avoidant attachment is a pattern of discomfort with closeness and depending on others. Learn the research, everyday signs, and how couples work with it. - [Bids for connection](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/bids-for-connection): A bid for connection is any attempt to get your partner's attention, interest or support. Learn how small bids work and why responding to them matters. - [Capitalization (active-constructive responding)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/capitalization): Capitalization is sharing good news with a partner. Responding with active, constructive enthusiasm is linked to more intimacy and satisfaction. - [Contempt](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/contempt): Contempt is treating your partner as beneath you through mockery, sarcasm or disgust. Why it matters most of the Four Horsemen, and what helps. - [Criticism (vs complaint)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/criticism): Criticism attacks your partner's character; a complaint addresses one behavior. Learn the difference and how to raise issues without blame. - [Defensiveness](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/defensiveness): Defensiveness is protecting yourself from a complaint by counterattacking, making excuses or playing the victim. Learn the antidote: taking responsibility. - [Flooding (diffuse physiological arousal)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/emotional-flooding): Emotional flooding is feeling so physically overwhelmed in conflict that you can't think clearly. Learn the signs and how a 20-minute break helps. - [Love languages](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/love-languages): Love languages are the idea that people prefer to give and receive love in different ways. Learn where the idea came from and what research says. - [Love maps](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/love-maps): A love map is what you know of your partner's inner world: worries, hopes, history and daily life. Learn where the idea comes from and how to update it. - [Mental load (cognitive labor)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/emotional-labor-mental-load): The mental load is the invisible work of anticipating, planning, deciding, and keeping track of household needs. Learn the research and how to share it. - [Perpetual vs solvable problems](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/perpetual-problems): Perpetual problems are lasting disagreements rooted in personality or lifestyle differences. Gottman reports 69% of conflict is perpetual. How to cope. - [Pursue-withdraw (demand-withdraw) cycle](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/pursue-withdraw-cycle): The pursue-withdraw cycle is a pattern where one partner pushes for engagement and the other pulls away, each fueling the other. How to break it. - [Repair attempts](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/repair-attempts): A repair attempt is any word or action that stops a fight from escalating, from a joke to an apology. See examples and how to accept them. - [Responsiveness (A.R.E.)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/emotional-responsiveness): Emotional responsiveness means noticing, understanding, and caring about a partner's feelings and needs. Learn the research and A.R.E. in daily life. - [Secure attachment](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/secure-attachment): Secure attachment means feeling comfortable with closeness and confident your partner will be there. Learn what it looks like and how couples build it. - [Self-expansion](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/self-expansion): Self-expansion is the idea that relationships thrive when partners grow and try new things together. Learn the research on novelty and couples. - [Soft (gentle) startup](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/soft-startup): A soft startup raises a concern gently, with a feeling, a specific situation and a positive need. Learn the formula and why first minutes matter. - [State of the Union meeting](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/state-of-the-union): A State of the Union meeting is a regular, structured check-in where partners share appreciations, talk through one issue, and ask what each needs. - [Stonewalling](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/stonewalling): Stonewalling is shutting down and withdrawing during conflict, often because you feel flooded. Learn the signs and how to take a real break instead. - [The 5:1 ratio (magic ratio)](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/magic-ratio): The 5:1 ratio is Gottman's finding that stable couples show about five positive moments for every negative one during conflict. Here's what it means. - [The Four Horsemen](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/four-horsemen): The Four Horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling: four conflict habits Gottman's research linked to unhappy relationships. - [Turning toward / away / against](https://strongercouple.app/library/glossary/turning-toward): Turning toward means responding to your partner's bids for attention. Learn the three response types from Gottman's research, with everyday examples.