To find a good couples therapist, look for a licensed clinician with specific couples training, such as an LMFT, LPC, LCSW or psychologist. They should use an evidence-based approach like Emotionally Focused Therapy, the Gottman Method or Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy. Search trusted directories, call two or three therapists with the questions below, and choose the one you both feel understood by.
This step-by-step guide is part of our guide to getting help for your relationship. If you're still deciding whether therapy is worth it, start with does couples therapy work?
Before you start: couples therapy is for partners who both feel safe. If you feel afraid of your partner, a domestic violence advocate is the right first call, not a couples therapist. The National Domestic Violence Hotline does not encourage counseling with an abusive partner [1]. Call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.
Credentials to look for
Start with a license, then look for couples-specific training and experience. A license tells you the person is qualified to provide therapy. Couples training tells you they know how to work with two people at once, which is a different skill.
Licenses (US)
| License | What it stands for | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| LMFT | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist | Trained specifically in relationships and family systems |
| LPC or LPCC | Licensed Professional Counselor or Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor | Broad counseling training; ask about couples experience |
| LCSW | Licensed Clinical Social Worker | Broad clinical training; ask about couples experience |
| Psychologist (PhD or PsyD) | Licensed psychologist | Doctoral training; ask about couples experience |
Marriage and family therapists are trained in both psychotherapy and family systems. They look at problems in the context of relationships, and they work with individuals, couples and families [2]. Any of these licensed professionals can be an excellent couples therapist. The question to ask is how much of their work is with couples, and what training they've had.
Check the license. Every state has a licensing board with a free online lookup. Search your state's name plus the license type and "license lookup." Confirm the license is active and check for any disciplinary actions.
Be careful with unlicensed titles. "Relationship coach" and "marriage counselor" are not protected titles in every state. Coaches may be helpful for some goals, but they aren't licensed to treat mental health problems, affairs, addiction or serious distress.
Which approaches should you look for?
Look for a therapist trained in a recognized couples approach with research behind it. No single approach is proven best for everyone. Fit with the therapist matters a great deal.
A 2022 review of the research rated four approaches as "well-established" for relationship distress [3]:
- Behavioral Couple Therapy (BCT): builds positive behaviors and teaches communication and problem-solving.
- Cognitive Behavioral Couple Therapy (CBCT): targets unhelpful thoughts and behavior patterns that keep conflict going.
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): draws on attachment research to help partners reshape the emotional cycle beneath their fights. Reviewers concluded EFT meets or exceeds the guidelines for an evidence-based couple therapy [4]. Read our EFT explainer.
- Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT): combines behavior change with acceptance of differences that won't fully go away.
The Gottman Method is also widely practiced. It starts with a thorough relationship assessment and uses interventions based on the Sound Relationship House theory [5]. See the Gottman Method explained.
If one partner is leaning toward ending the relationship, look for a therapist who offers discernment counseling before regular couples therapy.
Where to search
These directories list couples therapists. Each one is free to search.
- Psychology Today's therapist finder (external site): a large general directory. Filter by location, issue (look for couples or marriage), insurance and approach.
- ICEEFT's find-a-therapist directory (external site): therapists trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, from the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy.
- The Gottman Referral Network (external site): therapists trained in the Gottman Method.
- AAMFT's Find a Therapist page (external site): a starting point for finding marriage and family therapists, from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
- Your insurer's provider list: call the member services number on your card and ask for in-network couples or family therapists.
- Your employee assistance program (EAP): many employers offer a few free, confidential sessions and referrals.
Directory listings are written by the therapists themselves. Treat them as a starting point, and verify licenses and training directly.
Questions to ask before you book
Most therapists offer a short free phone call. Use it. Calling two or three therapists helps you compare, and it gives both partners a say.
About training and experience
- What percentage of your practice is couples therapy?
- What couples approach do you use, and what training have you had in it?
- Have you worked with issues like ours, such as an affair, a new baby, money conflict or one of us wanting to leave?
About how therapy works
- What happens in the first few sessions?
- Do you ever meet with each partner individually? How do you handle things one partner tells you privately?
- How will we know whether therapy is working? Do you track progress?
- Roughly how long do couples usually work with you?
About safety
- How do you check whether couples therapy is safe for a couple?
- What do you do if you learn there is abuse or fear in the relationship?
About practicalities
- What is your fee, and do you offer a sliding scale?
- Do you take our insurance, or can you give us paperwork to submit for reimbursement?
- Do you offer telehealth? Are you licensed in our state?
- What is your cancellation policy?
Why these questions matter
Two research findings stand out. First, a meta-analysis of couple and family therapy found that a stronger alliance between clients and therapist predicts better outcomes [6]. A "split" alliance, where one partner feels much more connected to the therapist than the other, predicts worse outcomes. Second, in a randomized trial, couples whose therapy included regular progress feedback improved more than couples in usual therapy [7]. That's why it helps to ask how progress is tracked.
Red flags to watch for
Fit takes a few sessions to judge. These signs suggest it may be time to raise concerns or move on:
- The therapist consistently takes one partner's side, or one of you regularly feels ganged up on.
- They promise outcomes, such as guaranteeing your relationship will be saved.
- They have little or no couples training and seem to treat couples sessions like two individual sessions at once.
- They never ask about safety, or they push couples work after learning that one partner is afraid.
- Sessions feel like venting with no direction, and there's no discussion of goals or progress after several weeks.
- They share private information without being clear about their policy.
- You feel judged for your gender, sexuality, culture, religion or relationship structure.
Changing therapists is normal. It doesn't mean therapy has failed.
Cost and access
Cost is a real barrier, and you're not alone in facing it. In a study of 231 newlywed couples in lower-income neighborhoods, cost and not knowing where to go were the top two barriers to couples therapy [8]. Another study asked almost 300 people interested in couples therapy what held them back. Their answers included cost, logistics, the format of treatment, trustworthiness, relationship factors, and an unclear sense of what therapy involves [9].
Ways to make it more affordable:
- Ask your insurer about coverage. Coverage for couples or family therapy varies, and some plans only cover therapy tied to a diagnosis. Ask directly.
- Use your EAP. Employee assistance programs often cover a few free sessions.
- Ask about sliding-scale fees. Many therapists offer reduced fees for some clients.
- Try a university training clinic. Graduate programs in marriage and family therapy, counseling and psychology often run clinics where supervised trainees see clients at lower cost.
- Look at community and nonprofit options. FindTreatment.gov (external site) lists local services, and Open Path Collective (external site) is a nonprofit network of therapists offering reduced-fee sessions.
- Consider telehealth. Online sessions widen your options. Therapists generally need to be licensed in the state where you are during the session.
- Bridge the gap with structured self-help. While you wait, regular check-ins, a good book or an evidence-based online program can help. Our comparison of couples therapy vs. a couples app explains what self-help can and can't do.
If substance use or mental health is part of the picture, SAMHSA's National Helpline gives free, confidential referrals 24/7 in English and Spanish at 1-800-662-4357 [10]. SAMHSA is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
What if your partner won't come?
You can still start. Book a consultation for yourself, or see an individual therapist who understands relationships. Many partners agree to come later once they see it isn't about blame. Our guide on what to do when your partner won't go to therapy has scripts for inviting them without pressure.
When to get professional help
If you're reading this, you're probably already thinking about it, and that's a good sign. Book a consultation if the same conflicts keep repeating, if contempt or withdrawal has set in, or if there's been an affair or addiction. Do the same if either of you is depressed or one of you is thinking about leaving. If anyone is thinking about suicide, call or text 988. If you feel unsafe with your partner, go to Help Now for confidential domestic violence resources.
This article is for education and is not a substitute for professional help. If you're unsafe, visit Help Now.