How do you talk about the future with your partner?

Start with open, low-pressure questions about hopes, such as where you'd love to be in five years, before discussing concrete decisions. Listen for the values behind each dream. Then pick one small step you could take together.

What if we want different things for the future?

That's common. Ask what each dream means to the person who holds it, look for the shared value underneath, and see whether there's a creative middle path or a sequence (one dream now, another later). Big incompatibilities, like whether to have children, may need help from a couples therapist.

How often should couples talk about their goals?

There's no proven ideal. Many couples find a light check-in every few months, plus a deeper talk once a year or around major life changes, keeps them aligned without feeling like a performance review.

Future and Dreams Questions for Couples (72 Prompts)

Future and dreams prompts are open questions that help you and your partner share what you hope for, from next year's plans to the life you want at 80. Explore each other's dreams before making decisions, and listen for the values underneath. Choose one or two per conversation and come back to them as life changes. Below are 72 prompts across eight themes, from light daydreams to deeper questions about meaning.

How to use these prompts

Dreams are personal, so treat each answer with care.

Pick one or two. Future talks can sprawl. Choose a theme and stay with it.
Take turns. Both of you answer. Notice where you overlap and where you differ.
Know the listener's job. Be curious, not practical, at first. "Tell me more about that" beats "we can't afford that."
Use the skip rule. Some dreams feel fragile. Anyone can pass or say "I'm not sure yet."
Stop if you're flooded. Big topics like children or moving can bring up strong feelings. Pause for at least 20 minutes if needed. See emotional flooding.
Set a time box. Thirty to forty-five minutes, then write down one thing you want to remember.

In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman and Nan Silver describe creating shared meaning, through rituals, roles, goals and symbols, as one of the principles of a lasting relationship ^[1]. When your dreams clash, the Gottman Institute suggests exploring the hopes and history behind each position, which it calls "dreams within conflict," rather than arguing over the surface issue ^[2]. Read more in dreams within conflict.

Daydreams (light)

If money were no object for one year, how would you spend it?
What is a place you've always wanted to see, and why there?
What is a skill you'd love to have mastered by the time you're 70?
If we could take a sabbatical together, what would we do?
What does your ideal ordinary Tuesday look like five years from now?
What is an adventure you'd love us to have at least once?
If you could start a side project tomorrow, what would it be?
What would our dream vacation look like, hour by hour?
What is a weird or wonderful thing you'd like to own someday?

The next year (light to medium)

What is one thing you want to be different a year from now?
What would make the next twelve months feel like a success for us?
What is a habit you'd like us to start together this year?
What is one trip, visit or experience you'd like to plan for this year?
What do you want more of in our week-to-week life?
What do you want less of?
What is a personal goal of yours I can support this year?
Which relationship ritual would you like us to add or bring back?
How do you want to celebrate our next anniversary?

Home and place (medium)

Where do you picture us living in ten years: city, town, countryside, somewhere new?
What does "home" feel like to you, beyond the building?
What is one thing you'd change about where we live now?
How close do you want to live to family?
What would your dream home have that ours doesn't?
How do you feel about moving for work, family or adventure?
What would make our home feel more like both of ours?
What kind of neighbors and community do you want around us?
Do you see us renting, owning or something else long term, and why?

Work, money and time (medium)

What do you want your work life to look like in five years?
Is there a career change you've been thinking about?
What does financial security mean to you?
What would you do with your time if you didn't need to earn money?
How do you want us to balance work and time together?
What is one financial goal you'd love us to reach together?
How do you imagine retirement, if you think about it at all?
What would we have to give up to have more free time, and would it be worth it?
What is a risk you'd like to take with your career or money someday?

For practical planning, see setting financial goals as a couple.

Family and community (medium to deep)

What role do you want family, by birth or by choice, to play in our future?
How do you feel about children, now and in the future, if that's open for us?
If we have or already have kids, what values do you most want to pass on?
How do you want to care for aging parents or relatives if that comes up?
What kind of friendships do you want to invest in over the next ten years?
How involved do you want us to be in our community, faith or causes?
What traditions from your family do you want to keep?
What new traditions do you want us to create?
Who do you want around our table on holidays in twenty years?

Growth and adventure (medium)

What is something you want to learn that scares you a little?
What kind of person are you hoping to become?
What is a challenge you'd like us to take on together?
How do you want us to keep growing as a couple?
What would you regret not trying?
What is a hobby you'd like to pick up when life slows down?
How can I make space for your growth, even when it changes our routine?
What is a goal that feels too big to say out loud? Say it anyway.
What adventure would make a great story for our grandkids, nieces, nephews or friends?

Getting older together (deep)

What do you look forward to about getting older with me?
What worries you about the future, and how could we face it together?
How do you want us to handle health challenges if they come?
What do you want our relationship to feel like when we're 80?
How do you want to be cared for if you can't care for yourself?
What would you want me to remember about you, no matter what?
What does a good life well lived look like to you?
What kind of grandparent, elder or mentor do you hope to be?
What do you want to make sure we say to each other while we can?

Shared meaning (deep)

What do you think our relationship is for, beyond the two of us?
What are three words you hope describe our family or household?
What do we stand for together?
Which rituals make us feel most like "us"?
What story do you want people to tell about our relationship?
What does a meaningful weekend look like for us?
How do we want to show up for people who need us?
What symbols or objects carry meaning for us?
What is one thing we could start this month that would still matter in ten years?

Turn your answers into a plan with the couple goals planner, read how to set goals as a couple, or mix new questions with the conversation prompt generator.

When to get professional help

Big future questions sometimes reveal deep differences, like whether to have children, where to live or whether to stay together. If you're stuck or one of you feels pressured, a licensed couples therapist or a discernment counselor can help you think it through. Start with our guide to getting help. If you feel unsafe with your partner, go to Help Now.

This page is for education and is not a substitute for professional help. If you're struggling, a licensed couples therapist can help. If you're unsafe, visit Help Now.