Conflict pause timer

When an argument gets too heated, a planned break can help you both calm down before you keep talking. This free timer runs a calm-down pause of 5 to 60 minutes, with 20 minutes as the default, and a speaking-turn timer that gives each partner 1 to 5 minutes to talk while the other listens. You can pause, adjust or reset it at any time.

Free. Runs in your browser. Nothing you enter is saved or sent.

Use the timer

Choose a mode and a length, then press Start. You can pause, change the length or reset at any time.

Mode

Changing the length resets the timer.

20:00

Ready when you are.

Your answers stay in this browser tab. Nothing is saved or sent anywhere.

How to take a pause that helps

  1. Agree on a pause signal ahead of time, like a word or a hand sign, that either of you can use.
  2. Say when you will come back: "I need 20 minutes. Let us talk again at 8."
  3. During the break, do something calming. Walk, breathe slowly, or listen to music. Try not to rehearse your argument.
  4. Come back when the timer ends, even if it is just to say you need a little longer.

John Gottman’s research describes "flooding," when your body is so stressed that it is hard to listen or think clearly. His books suggest a break of at least 20 minutes to let your body settle. Learn more in our entry on emotional flooding and the Four Horsemen.

How speaking turns work

One partner talks about their side for a set time while the other only listens. Then the listener sums up what they heard before switching. Taking turns slows things down and helps each person feel heard. The app’s conflict resolution tool walks you through a full structured conversation.

This tool runs entirely in your browser. Nothing you enter is saved or sent anywhere, and you do not need an account.

Questions

Why 20 minutes?

It is a common suggestion from John Gottman’s work on flooding, because the body needs time to calm down. You can choose anywhere from 5 to 60 minutes.

Will the timer make a sound?

No. The timer is silent and shows the time on screen. Screen reader users hear short updates when it starts, pauses, reaches key points and ends.

What if my partner will not come back to the conversation?

Agree on a return time before the break. If one person often refuses to return, or if you feel afraid, that is a sign to get outside help.

Want to keep practicing? Conflict resolution in the Stronger Couple app builds on this.