Weekly check-in prompts are short questions you and your partner answer together once a week to notice what went well, name what felt hard, and plan the week ahead. The best check-ins follow a simple order: start with appreciation, talk about the week, raise one issue gently, then plan. Below are 70 prompts grouped by stage and depth, plus guidance for keeping the conversation calm.
How to use these prompts
Pick four to six prompts each week. You don't need to answer all of them, and you shouldn't try.
- Follow the order. Start with an appreciation, move to the week, then at most one issue, then plans. The Gottman Institute describes a weekly State of the Union meeting of about an hour that opens with appreciations before any problem comes up [1].
- Take turns. One person answers while the other listens. Then switch.
- Know the listener's job. Listen to understand, not to reply. Summarize what you heard before you share your side.
- Use the skip rule. Either of you can say "pass" on any prompt, no explanation needed.
- Stop if you're flooded. If your heart is racing or you can't think clearly, take a break of at least 20 minutes. Read about emotional flooding and how to calm down.
- Set a time box. Thirty minutes is a good start. End on the planning questions, even if an issue isn't fully solved.
Regular, structured check-ins have some research support. In one randomized trial, couples who had brief relationship "checkups" (once a year, with a professional) reported more intimacy and acceptance than a wait-list group [2]. A weekly home check-in is a lighter version of the same idea, not a replacement for therapy.
For a printable version with space to write, use the weekly check-in worksheet. For the full method, read how to do a weekly relationship check-in.
Stage 1: Appreciation (light)
Open warm. These set the tone for everything after.
- What is one thing I did this week that you appreciated?
- When did you feel most cared for by me in the last seven days?
- What is something small I did that you noticed but didn't mention?
- What is one way I made your week a little easier?
- What did you admire about how I handled something this week?
- Which moment with me this week would you replay if you could?
- What is one thing about me you felt grateful for on a hard day?
- What did I say this week that stuck with you in a good way?
- Who did you see me being kind to this week, and what did you think?
- What effort of mine this week might have gone unthanked?
Stage 2: How the week went (light)
Catch up on life outside the relationship first. This is close to what the Gottman Institute calls a stress-reducing conversation, where you talk about stress that isn't about each other [3].
- What was the best part of your week?
- What was the most draining part of your week?
- What took more energy than you expected?
- What is something you're proud of from this week, big or small?
- Was there a moment this week when you felt really like yourself?
- What is weighing on your mind from work, school, family or friends?
- Is there anything coming up that you're dreading?
- How did you sleep this week, and how is your energy?
- What helped you recharge this week, if anything did?
- Is there something you've been thinking about that you haven't said out loud yet?
- What did you learn about yourself this week?
- On a scale you choose, how full is your tank right now?
Stage 3: How we're doing (medium)
Now turn toward the relationship. Keep it curious, not critical.
- How connected did you feel to me this week?
- When did you feel closest to me this week?
- Was there a moment you wanted my attention and didn't get it?
- Did you feel heard by me this week? When, or when not?
- How did we do at making time for each other?
- What is one thing that felt like teamwork this week?
- Did any small moment between us leave a sting that's still there?
- How would you describe the mood between us this week in one word?
- Is there anything you'd like more of from me next week?
- Is there anything you'd like a little less of?
- How did we handle disagreements this week?
- Did I say or do anything that I should check in about?
- How are we doing at physical affection, by your standards?
- What did you need this week that you didn't ask for?
Stage 4: One issue, raised gently (deeper)
Choose one prompt from this group at most. Use a gentle start: how you feel, about what situation, and what you need.
- Is there one thing that's been bothering you that you'd like to talk about?
- What is something I could do differently that would help you feel more supported?
- Is there a pattern between us you'd like us to look at together?
- What feels unresolved from a past conversation?
- Is there a decision we've been putting off that we should start on?
- What is one expectation you have of me that I might not know about?
- Where do you feel we're out of balance right now?
- Is there anything you've been holding back because you weren't sure how I'd react?
- What would make this issue feel even a little bit better by next week?
- What part of this issue matters most to you, underneath the details?
- What do you need from me while we figure this out?
- Is there something we should agree to come back to later instead of solving today?
Stage 5: Looking ahead (light to medium)
End with plans. This keeps the check-in hopeful and practical.
- What is coming up this week that we should plan around?
- Where could you use extra help from me this week?
- What is one thing we could do together this week, even for 20 minutes?
- Is there an evening or morning we can protect for just us?
- What household or admin task should we split differently this week?
- Is there a conversation either of us needs to have with someone else this week?
- What is one thing you're looking forward to?
- How can I support a goal you're working on right now?
- Is there anything we need to decide about money, family or schedules this week?
- What would make next week feel a bit better than this one?
- What is one small thing I can do on a busy day to show I'm thinking of you?
- When should we do our next check-in?
Stage 6: Closing (light)
Finish with one of these so you leave the conversation on the same side.
- What is one thing you appreciated about this conversation?
- On a scale you choose, how do you feel now compared to when we started?
- Is there anything you want to add before we stop?
- What is one word for how you feel about us right now?
- What can we do in the next hour to reconnect after this?
- Is there anything from today you'd like me to remember next week?
- Was there a moment in this check-in when you felt understood?
- How did this check-in go compared to last time?
- Do we want to change anything about how we do check-ins?
- What made you smile today?
Want more? Browse the 50 relationship check-in questions article, read about the State of the Union meeting, or mix your own set with the conversation prompt generator.
When to get professional help
A check-in is a practice tool, not therapy. If check-ins keep turning into fights, one of you dreads them, or the same hurt keeps coming up, a licensed couples therapist can help. Our guide to getting help explains your options. If you ever feel afraid of your partner, skip couples exercises and go to Help Now for confidential support.