A relationship check-in template is a simple fill-in guide you and your partner each complete before a weekly talk. Ours has five sections: appreciation, how you're doing, what you need, one issue and one plan. Copy the template below into your notes app, or print the matching worksheet. Fill it in separately for five minutes, then take turns sharing. The whole check-in takes about 20 minutes.
This template goes with our complete guide to relationship check-ins, which explains the why behind each step.
These tips assume both partners feel safe. If you're afraid of your partner, these techniques aren't the right tool — go to Help Now.
What's in the template?
The template has five core sections and two optional ones. Each section has a purpose, and the order matters.
| Section | Purpose | Time |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Appreciation | Start warm and on the same team | 3–5 min |
| 2. How I'm doing | Share feelings, not just facts | 3 min |
| 3. What I need this week | Ask clearly instead of hoping your partner guesses | 2 min |
| 4. One issue | Raise one topic gently | 5–8 min |
| 5. Our plan | Turn talk into one small action | 2–3 min |
| Optional: something fun | Give the week something to look forward to | 1 min |
| Optional: monthly add-on | Bigger topics once a month | 10–20 min |
Why this order?
- Appreciation comes first because the start of a conversation sets its tone. The Gottman Institute's State of the Union meeting also opens with each partner naming things the other did that week that they appreciated [1].
- Feelings come before issues because sharing how you felt, not just what happened, is linked to feeling closer. In diary studies, emotional disclosure predicted intimacy more than sharing facts [2].
- Needs come before problems because a clear request is easier to respond to than a complaint.
- There's only one issue so the check-in doesn't become a list of grievances.
- It ends with a plan so you both leave knowing what will change.
The template
Copy this into a notes app, a shared document or a notebook. Each of you fills in your own copy.
Weekly relationship check-in
Date: ______
Section 1: Appreciation
- One thing you did this week that I appreciated: ______
- How it made me feel: ______
- Another moment I liked: ______
Section 2: How I'm doing
- My energy this week, from 1 to 10: ______
- The best part of my week: ______
- The hardest part of my week: ______
- One feeling I've had a lot this week: ______
Section 3: What I need this week
- One thing that would help me this week: ______
- How you could support me with it: ______
Section 4: One issue (optional, one only)
- The situation: "When ______ happened..."
- How I felt: "I felt ______"
- What I'd like: "I'd love it if we could ______"
Section 5: Our plan
- I will: ______
- You will: ______
- We'll check on it: next week's check-in
Optional: Something fun this week
- One thing we could do together just for fun: ______
Helpful prompts if you get stuck
If a section feels blank, try one of these:
- When did you feel closest to me this week?
- Was there a moment you felt alone or unheard?
- What's coming up this week that I should know about?
- Is there something small that bugged you that's worth talking about?
- What would make next week feel easier?
You'll find 50 more in our list of relationship check-in questions.
Writing the issue section well
Section 4 is shaped like a gentle start-up on purpose. The Gottman Institute suggests complaining without blame: describe your feelings with "I" statements and state what you need in a positive way [3]. Compare these two ways of filling it in:
- Blaming: "You're always on your phone and you never listen."
- Template version: "When we were at dinner on Thursday and phones were out, I felt lonely. I'd love it if we could have phone-free dinners on weeknights."
When you get to the plan, use "we" language where you can. In one study, couples who used more "we" words while discussing a problem came up with more positive solutions, while more "you" words went along with more negativity [4]. Need more examples? See 25 soft startup examples.
How to use it
Follow these steps for a smooth first check-in.
- Pick a time. Choose 20 minutes you can protect each week, such as Sunday evening. Phones go face down.
- Fill it in separately (5 minutes). Each partner completes their own copy without discussing it yet.
- Share appreciations first. Take turns reading Section 1. The listener just says "thank you."
- Share how you're doing and what you need. Read Sections 2 and 3. Ask follow-up questions; hold off on advice unless asked.
- Talk about one issue. If either of you wrote one, pick one. The speaker shares; the listener reflects back what they heard before responding. Alternate whose issue goes first from week to week.
- Agree on the plan. Fill in Section 5 together. Make it small and specific.
- End warmly. Plan something fun, say thanks, and keep your copies to look back on next week.
Tips for the first month
- Skip Section 4 for the first week or two if check-ins are new or things feel tense. Appreciation and planning alone build the habit.
- Keep your old templates. Reading last month's appreciations is a surprisingly good mood boost, and you can see whether plans actually happened.
- Don't grade each other's answers. There are no wrong answers in Sections 1 to 3.
- If it turns into an argument, pause. Take at least 20 minutes, then come back or reschedule. The conflict pause timer can help.
The full walkthrough, including a script for your first time, is in how to do a weekly relationship check-in.
The 10-minute version
For busy weeks, use only:
- One appreciation each.
- One thing each of you needs this week.
- One plan.
That's it. A short check-in that happens is better than a long one that doesn't.
The monthly add-on
Once a month, add a few bigger questions after Section 5. Rotate topics so it never feels heavy:
- Money: How are we feeling about spending and saving right now?
- Intimacy: How have we felt about our physical closeness this month?
- Goals: Are we making progress on what matters to us this year?
- Fun: What's something new we want to try next month?
- Load: Does the way we split chores and planning feel fair?
The monthly relationship check-in has a full template for this.
A version for hard seasons
During a new baby, illness, grief or job stress, trim the template to support only:
- What's the heaviest thing for you right now?
- What do you need from me this week?
- What can we let go of for now?
Skip the issue section unless something truly can't wait.
Printable PDF
Prefer paper? The printable version of this template is our weekly check-in worksheet. It has the same five sections with space to write, sized to print on a single page. Print two copies, one for each of you, and keep a folder of past check-ins.
If you'd like a longer agenda that includes logistics and calendar planning, try the marriage meeting agenda or the Gottman-style State of the Union meeting.
Why a regular check-in helps
There's no study that tested this exact template. The evidence is for the practice behind it: regularly stepping back to ask "How are we doing?" In a randomized trial with 215 married couples, those who completed two relationship checkups a year apart reported more intimacy and felt more accepted by their partners than couples on a waitlist [5]. The effects were small to moderate, and the couples were mostly white and middle-aged, so results may differ for others. A weekly template is a lighter, at-home version of that idea.
Prefer an app?
If paper templates tend to get lost, an app can hold the structure for you. Stronger Couple has guided weekly check-ins that you each answer, then talk about together, and keeps your past check-ins so you can look back on them. You can also log appreciations during the week, so Section 1 is easy to fill in when check-in time comes.
When to get professional help
A template helps couples talk, but some problems need more support. Consider a licensed couples therapist if you notice:
- Ongoing contempt, mockery or withdrawal.
- An affair or a breach of trust.
- Addiction affecting the relationship.
- Depression or anxiety affecting daily life.
- Any fear of your partner. Go to Help Now; couples work isn't recommended when there's abuse.
- Thoughts of self-harm. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org.
Our getting help guide and how to find a couples therapist explain your options. This article is for education and is not a substitute for professional help.